Breathe

So many times, I have caught myself, inattentively, forgetting to breathe
Properly, that is, the slow intake of fresh in using the abdomen muscles
To fill my needing lungs of the very essence of life, my most basic need
And allow all of its goodness to fill my body to sustain itself, to progress
Into another second, minute, hour, into a life anew, the constant rebirth
Of every living cell within my universe of life which I name my body
Before I release it slowly again, into another universe, of which I am part
Albeit very small, a vital cog in the wheel, a critical link of the chain

My mind clutters with thoughts of yesterday, almost like a hot geyser
Of boiling mud, taking me back to Rotorua, beautiful in its horridness
With the odour to match: match its power, it magnificence and might
But clog it does, clot it does, and impede it does of the unobstructed path
To where I ought to be, here and now, present in this moment of life
Celebrating and rejoicing in the freedom of life, and the honour of being
Contributing to the wellness entire, to the happiness of everything alive
Finding the wealth of fulfilment that is on offer through servitude

Hiding from love, I wonder where she is, where she has been, with whom
As I recall watching her eyes follow her fingers as they caressed my face
Love poured from her like the innocent waters over the Victoria Falls
Perfect in intent, pure in direction, her path thoroughly mapped out
She knew that hers was the life that she had yearned for, and now earned
As she devoted her entire existence to the euphoria of us, interdependent
And whole in the union that was sealed by the angels, I am entirely certain
Before they unilaterally decided that they needed her more than I did

Love is a lie that plays tricks on your heart, I scream, desperately seeking it
Yet I hide in my cave in on a mountain surrounded by a jungle so dense
Safe of intrusion, shielded from inclusion, and falsely satisfied by confusion
That solitude is impregnable from the needs of love, of touch, of desire
Birds sing to me, I am convinced, as I watch them dance through the clouds
While the sun and the rains grant to me the opportunity to live on this earth
So many questions, so many questions, which I now understand shall remain
For the answers forever shall be unknown, to which I must forever submit

Sitting

Time passes by stubbornly, refusing to negotiate, or reason, regardless of the plea
For I need more, I need more, of nothing else than time, time to understand
So many questions swamp my mind like a plague of locusts, swarming furiously
Uncontrollable, inconsolable, and aggressively mutilating logic in this heated time

Slow you mind, I think I hear him say, as he sits beneath the tree in the lotus position
Close your eyes and breath, slow your heart, deeply in, and very slowly out, in full
And allow these overwhelming thoughts to leave your boiling pot of cruel anxiety
For until then, you shall never see any light, never see any reason, never see hope

I sit, uncomfortably, uncomfortable in the knowledge that this task may prove to be
To be more difficult than possible. How does one slow an avalanche? A forest fire?
A volcano cannot be distinguished, and a tsunami will cease only by its own choice
Like a giant sand storm in the dessert, or a vicious bolt of lightning striking at will

A million visions storm within my eyelids, yet I count my breathing slowly, hoping
In, out, in, out, slowly, releasing thoughts of anger, without trying, just letting go
And goose bumps develop on my skin and my shoulders begin to loosen, at last
For they have been tensed to so long that I recognise not the feeling of relaxation

I moved through these wild notions as they try to grab my attention, but I ignore them
As I head to a strange light that seems to be calling me, calling me to come, albeit slowly
For the light is stationed so very far away, and this journey shall be along one
With many hurdles to cross, many mountains to climb, and many regrets to release

Nobody Ever Shall

Sitting on the outside, looking in to the bowel of crap that force feed the masses
Useless knowledge of how to survive in the jungle of greed which is fed by fear
Fear of the inevitable unknown, which has been transformed into varying faiths
That in turn rely on greed and fear, promises of salvation, although completely blind

Thousands of years have heard the words of supreme beings that must be worshipped
Holy words written in sacred buildings where any alternative thought is considered evil
Or a sin, as some would say, those who have the most to lose when the walls fall down
To the realization that there is not, never was, and never shall be, what is believed

Yet so often it has been said, so many times in so many tongues and so many books
That the sheep follow the shepherd not by want, but by habit of the indoctrination
Entirely convinced that the belief is the truth, to the point that they will kill for it
And die for it, as they do, yesterday, today and forever more. In the name of love

Preposterous, arrogant, ridiculous and incredibly limited in the ability to think
For thought could create doubt of the written words, which would be sacrilege
It has been written. It has been written. It has been written, not by man, they say
But by the supreme being that nobody has ever seen, and nobody ever shall

But this is not the point, I scream at the top of my voice, to very un-willing ears
I don’t care who is right, and who is wrong, for that is not what is meant at all
For the truth of all lies within the soul to serve all living creatures forever more
And find a positive role to play in the betterment of the universe, for we are one

Consciousness

I am tired now; my eyes are tired, my ears are sore, and my body is aching
But that fears me not, for this is normal in today’s world, as in yesterday’s
Though my mind is drowning in questions, and alas, unanswerable to the most
Besides those whose faith is so strong that they actually believe it to be true
Which, to me, raises another question of how stupid can anyone really be

Closing my eyes, and I see billions of stars moving within my internal universe
And I wonder where I belong, where I came from, and where I shall go
Yet the more I wonder, the more questions arise, like popcorn in a hot pot
Of angry oil, firing these darn corns out of its way. Get out of here, darn corn
I have no space for you now, and no need for you to irritate my burning wrath

Answer-less questions and ridiculous answers create turmoil in my demand
To truly understand, to know more than to belief, to feel more than to trust
And get onto the road that is right for me, not you, no, but me alone
For it shall not be you that I follow, nor shall it be you that I ask to join me
As this is my journey, my quest, and my minuscule participation in consciousness

The Long Road

It will end well; it always does. I heard myself say
As I took another step down the busy road called loneliness
Well-worn cobbles smoothed by tired feet, forever walking
In the saddest dream of happiness that very few ever find

Cold winds blow through my torso, chilling my every bone
As my mind races from faces to places, losing the races
Against time, against tranquillity and peace within
As I beg to the heavens to shine a tangible ray of love onto me

Fake smiles of passers by are revealed by the down-cast eyes
And the boulders on their shoulders weigh them down
As much of their expectations of finding happiness in others
Without ever having made peace and happiness within

Long is this road, without trees and flowers, and no birds
As it heads into the desert of love, dry and lifeless
And dwelt in any by those blinded by the truth of knowing
Consumed by blame, riddled with anger, and void of responsibility